girlfriends

it's been a pseudo-quiet week, one of those where i'm determined to have minimal activity but ends up being busy busy, in the best possible way. blessed to have amazing friends who reach out when i'm at my hermetic worse, drawing me out of the little cave with offers of company. constantly reminded how fortunate i am to have friends who are present, who make an effort to engage even when i'm caught up with work and far from my agreeable best. P knows how i can sleep for singapore, and how running on 5h sleep the last couple of weeks makes for a crabby patty. but still she made plans, and i ended up sneaking off a little earlier than anticipated on monday.

visited her bachelorette pad because i'm nosey like that, then popped by hoxtons to rub shoulders with the hipster crowd. 

oh i felt so uncool, and P made a point to laugh at the name tag i'd forgotten to remove upon exiting the ward. she's an old old friend and we've been friends for nearly half our lives. we smiled at how some things don't change - it was a monday evening and she was revising and doing assignments, while i was trying to run away from responsibility, much like how it was it secondary school! we were joined at the hip till j2, then she left sg for uni and we only saw each other when i was interviewing for medsch on her turf, which happened to fall on the same weekend she was home for her brother's wedding in 2011. but she's since moved to london to do her masters and all's right with the world. reuniting last summer was one of my highlights of 2014 and while we don't see as much of each other as i'd like (well, maybe more so now seeing how work is 15min from where she's staying!) it's always a good time to her. grateful to be known, to have her in my corner and for her constantly talking sense into me. need that more than i care to admit!

with the mister away wheeling and dealing, i'm dangerously left to my own devices. healthy eating habits go out of the window and i'm not proud of the four maccas apple pies i'd for dinner last night. nor the ben&jerry's peanut butter cup i'd for dinner tonight. pb cup reminds me of summer cruising (when i'd a 6 scoops a day habit for 10 days) and brings me right back to sunny days at sea, creepy ice-cream man notwithstanding. big proponent of listening to one's body but i do need to learn to shut it up when it demands junk food. emotional triggers, much. not that life's been particularly emotional. tired from work but it's more the early starts than its actual nature. was momentarily wondering if i'd become weak sauce when it came to medical futility and loss but no, still relatively unmoved by the daily tragedy that is work. there are only a couple of people i can tell about my day, and often they put it in perspective. such is the beauty of having sounding boards far wiser than i'll ever be.

often i need to tell myself to snap out of being so self-absorbed, to think about other people for a change because there are bigger problems out there. and there are bright sparks like blue skies and leaving work when it's still light out. surrounded by so much sadness means coping mechanisms become macabre. realise it's not for everyone, especially not the mister who, bless him, has the most sensitive soul. i see the pain flash across his eyes every time i tell him about yet another babe that didn't make it. and have since learnt to actively filter so as not to cause unnecessary aggravation.