2016, you've been good to me

sent our annual newsletter to friends before christmas and one dear friend responded,  "...really enjoy reading your yearly updates, pity they come only once a year though" to which i replied, "our imaginary quarterly update wouldn't make for good reading - too many low lights and frustrating moments." the year end report is a blythe summary of the good things that happened, but so much more goes on behind the scenes.

it's been a busy year culminating in 3 X graduations and 2 X demanding jobs in brand new industries a world apart from our original legal skill set. we'd wanted to take it easy in 2017 but looks like surprise baby boy had other plans. 

found out i was pregnant 3 days before my first medsch final exam and sat the month-long finals in the ever-worsening throes of first trimester. abandoned a 3h written paper 2h in and went straight to A&E where I spent a miserable afternoon, convinced i'd both failed finals and lost the baby. 

passing finals was nothing short of Miraculous. my medical school has a "no exemptions" policy - sitting finals meant I'd deemed myself fit and there'd be no extenuating circumstances taken into consideration if I didn't meet the pass mark. 

starting work as a first year doctor on an acute ward in second trimester has been simultaneously the hardest thing I've ever done and also the most gratifying. immensely thankful for this kicking little life who picked what seemed like the worst possible time humanly, only to show me that God's timing is always perfect.

been blessed with a smooth pregnancy and was doing 10km hikes in switzerland at week 36 before reluctantly returning to london as late as BA would fly me, only to then road trip to dover for more coastal walking. drafting this in week 37 and hoping baby stays put till at least the new year because my prof is on holiday and only gets back 2 jan ;) hence i'm under strict instructions to be on my best behaviour and to stop 'dancing on tabletops'. everyone's warned about how life is going to change completely and i'm a more than a little apprehensive. during the boxing day sales, bought a wine fridge and whiskey cabinet but still don't have a car seat (need it to get home from hospital!), cot nor pram. totally unprepared because i don't think one can ever be prepared, i attended one antenatal class and was so put off i missed the other three, and am generally in denial about actually needing to have the baby in a matter of days to weeks. i wish i was more like those smug maternal sorts who are totally on top of things but i'm not and might never be. instead i've refused to modify my lifestyle and made it a point to escape london most weekends, if not every opportunity. was just counting the number of escapades baby has been on in utero which is essentially my travels june to december, linked if i've previously posted and you'd like to see.

week 8 highlands road trip (isle of mull, skye)

week 9 singapore

week 12 ibiza

week 13 berkshire

week 14 paris

week 16 wengen

week 18 edinburgh

week 22 copenhagen, faroe islands

week 23 oxfordshire

week 26 amsterdam

week 28 the cotswolds

week 32 paris

week 35 zurich, zermatt

week 36 wengen

week 37 dover, ascot

earlier in the year, there was 

48h NYC in february

singapore, KL and the philippines in march / april

lake district in may

and the small issue of medsch finals in may - june which have been sufficiently dramatised above.

a friend asked recently what i'd been getting up to after finishing medsch. hate to disappoint but far from anything exciting or off piste, i've been a doctor, rather predictably, and plan to remain one as long as i can. although there is eight months of maternity leave to dread / look forward to, depending on whether you're the glass empty / half full sort. again, people have told me i'll change my mind once the baby comes and i probably will. feel everything i think / say now is only valid till he arrives, then it's anyone's guess. like to think i'll take to motherhood with the same determination i approach most other commitments, but the permanence of such a transition scares me. easier to care for in than out, another well-meaning friend said when i broached the subject of induction to have some control over when baby lands on my lap. i mean, for planning purposes, having a 5 week window (weeks 37-42) when baby could potentially materialise isn't really convenient... so much to learn, so much to do. 

another bugbear, one that this isn't the most appropriate of forums for, is how much unsolicited advice i've gotten. glad not to be in singers because it's probably worse in situ but the number of nagging aunties really gets my goat. why are people so negative??? like if you've nothing encouraging to say then don't say it. stop telling me to enjoy myself / make the most of pre-baby freedom because i do and will continue to do so because i'm inherently impulsive and hedonistic without need for prompting. or people who tell me how hard / exhausting being a new mother is. how is that constructive / productive at all? if it's hard, then i'll have to deal. and worrying about it now / being anxious is a waste of time because i can't change anything. but there's no point calling out annoying types, so breathe in, breathe out and ignore :) 

looking forward to seeing the new year in on primrose hill, and bracing ourselves for our biggest adventure yet come 2017. thanks for coming by, and for reading. wishing you and yours every good thing in 2017. also, more holiday posts to follow in the next few days.

previous yearly round ups here.

work christmas 'do

all i know about office christmas parties is gleaned from love actually, with 'dark corners for dark deeds'. thankfully there was no such controversy at our work christmas 'do! didn't know what to wear so had to ask the nurses, and timed my arrival with the GP trainee cos i didn't want to be there on my own, social anxiety would've gotten the better of me. consultant was bang on time, too, but we only started dinner at 930 (!!!) despite turning up at 8. think we'd to wait for more people to arrive, especially those coming from work. it was nice to see everyone all dolled up, and because i'd already started maternity leave, could in a sense be more comfortable cos it was less of a professional setting than if i'd still been in the job. had mulled wine that didn't raise too many eyebrows and a generally chilled time.

kindness

a singaporean 'aunty friend' who was in london many summers ago invited me to join her and her relative who was based in london for lunch. we went to hackney (!!!) where i hadn't been to then, and had a lovely vietnamese meal at song que. turned out that we'd lots in common, not least being singaporean ex-lawyers. the aunty friend returned to singers but S and i kept in touch, albeit sporadically. when she heard i was expecting a boy, she very kindly started knitting for him and invited me round hers for a home-cooked meal once i started maternity leave. i was moved by her gracious hospitality, how she cooked so much and sent me home with enough food for an army. in a way it's the sort of kindness i can't repay but can only pay forward. grateful for these chance meetings and the kindness of (former) strangers.

my local

not gonna lie - the first few days of maternity leave were hard! think i woke on the first day bereft of purpose and had a little wobble. overnight i'd gone from a doctor running the ward (we were thin on the ground the days leading up to my departure!) to a stay-at-home mum without a baby to care for (yet). so instead of being mature and organised and getting ready for baby (or finishing the papers i was meant to be writing...) i sorta wallowed in this newfound freedom and paid daily pilgrimage to my local pizzeria. so much so the staff recognised me and would produce my usual without me even having to order. said usual was the daily 'meat special' and it didn't disappoint. although i had a brief throwback to my time in stockholm as an undergrad where i'd a daily (fresh) pizza habit. no frozen nonsense for me! the downside of living with a history student / construction worker was that he'd kindly pick up a pizza for me too on his way home from work. unlike him, i wasn't burning thousands of calories on a work site and just got bigger with every passing pizza.

farewell dinner

maternity leave rolled round pretty quick and my consultant was kind to organise a farewell dinner. felt far from deserving as the most junior on the team, but any excuse for a curry meal! we went back to the curry resto we'd the welcome dinner at four months ago and it didn't disappoint. the GP trainee had left too and the staff grade was also going on maternity leave, plus christmas was around the corner so it was nice to get the team together before the holidays. granted, we were due the ward christmas party the same week but it wasn't too much of a good thing ;) 

very efficient dinner - seated at 6, food by 630 and out by 730. i like how once the conversation slowed down, consultant called for the bill and we were all off to respective families at a decent hour. 

it was undoubtably a tough job, compounded by the fact that it was my first, and i'm grateful for the incredible support and guidance i received. appreciate it won't always be that good, and i lucked out with this consultant and senior support. trying not to think about what i'll be returning to (because at this stage, goodness knows!) and to live in the present. enjoying some down time before baby comes, and then the plan is to take things a day at a time. can't pre-empt every future problem, can't solve for every possible exigency.

carol service

this goes back a few weeks but i was organised enough to book tickets for a christmas carol service. was all nostalgic for the carol services i'd attended in the past and felt somewhat shortchanged that there were no carols (nor mulled wine and minced pie after!) at this one :( bumped into aunty D and she joined us for dins at the good earth opposite. had takeaway with another family friend before and my supervisor when i was at GOS kindly brought me there for chinese new year. was keen to go back but hadn't got round to it. did the lazy guai lo thing and ordered 2 set dinners for the 3 of us and there was more than enough to go round. in fact, with GOS supervisor we'd 4 set dinners among 5 of us and it was plenty! saves the hassle of having to think and i was just lazy and slightly grumpy. although in hindsight should we return, i'd order a la carte cos it'd have worked out cheaper.

B&L

the perks of having a travelcard is unlimited  all-inclusive bus rides. it was one of those lazy saturdays when i was feeling especially antisocial and woke up craving lobster. fancy, i know! am partial to the harvey nics B&L cos there's a direct lift from street level to the food hall, there's often no queue if i go early enough and it's consistently good! so i hopped on the bus and got myself there before the lunch / christmas crowd descended. have absolutely no qualms about eating alone, in fact i sorta relish it, and hm looking like the hungry pregnant woman that i am meant i got a booth seat with comfy cushions instead of having to perch at the bar on an uncomfortable bar stool like the other singles ;)

jia xiang mian

 

picked up a flyer outside earl's court tube for new chinese resto and thought to hazard it after work one day. it wasn't bad but the waiter was overly chatty and i feel bad cos he was probably just being nice. yet after a long day at work the last thing i want is to make conversation, because, really, work is all talk and i'm paid to be nice to really nasty people, so at the end of the day i'm usually emotionally and physically wiped out, just wanting some peace and quiet. he meant well, i'm sure, but he was being nosey and asking all these personal questions (where are you from, what are you doing in london, where do you work, where do you live, are you married, any children, what does your husband do etc)  and i didn't want to be rude but i sorta just gobbled my noodles and ran away ASAP.

noodles o-k, not worth the interrogation!

cheeky wednesdays

whoops so this is a couple of weeks late but it's no secret that i live for wednesdays. at uni, wednesday afternoons were always free for 'sport' which in my case was more sofa time than actual athleticism. this didn't happen after third year though :( so you can imagine my sheer delight when i learnt that wednesday afternoons were protected teaching time in my first job. and when there was no teaching, because the duty doctor would be covering the ward anyway, my consultant would still chase me off the ward to "do whatever you want". small wins, i'll take what i can get! made multiple trips to atariya on wednesday afternoons and the nice waiter eventually knew me and my order because i'm boring that way. on what was the last free wednesday before changing jobs, i thought i'd shake it up a bit and have sashimi and tempura instead of my usual chirashi. living on the edge ;)

pub lunch monday

it was monday and i met the former SHO on my ward midway for lunch. this cute little coaster sent me back to northern ireland where we'd lunch at the bushmill pub. alas, pregnant plus working lunch = only diet coke for me :(

had the fish cake with poached egg, spinach and hollandaise while M had the sausage and mash swimming in gravy. think i should've ordered that instead and was sent into a tailspin of food envy.

and because M's a busy doctor with a long list of patients to see in clinic and i was mid-protest because the ward was mayhem, i lingered and pud on my own. pineapple crumble drowned in custard was just the fuel i needed before another afternoon in paradise.

paris day 3

slept in on sunday too, what a luxury, then ventured out to near montmarte for brunch. marlette is a cute little cafe and just beat the queue because it was out the door and almost round the block by the time we left! do wish the fish soup was a breakfast option though! gimme something hot and savoury any day, and much as i'd love a bowl of bak chor mee, fish soup is a close second.

walked aimlessly and stopped for post breakfast pastries along the way. being in paris inevitably brings out my inner carbohydrate queen. went back-ish to the sacre couer cos it was such a glorious day but sort of overestimated my fitness or lack thereof and realised i couldn't bring myself to go all the way uphill. did find the pushy friendship bracelet tie-rs incredibly unpleasant. don't want to me rude but it escalated from non, merci to arrete!!! pretty quickly. didn't like having my wrist grabbed and felt it was such an unnecessary infringement of personal space.

stopped for espresso, bordeaux and onion soup (as you do!) at a corner cafe near the hotel before getting an uber to the airport. mega impressed by uber in paris, all incredibly luxurious black cars (more often than not a benz!), suited drivers offering candy and mineral water.

paris day 2

after the 10pm seating at verjus, tasting menu no less so can't even remember what time i finally got to zz, i passed out till late morning then felt compelled to revisit best tofu for bean curd. stuck out like a sore thumb despite being chinese and chalked it down to a cultural experience. it's cramped, you're cheek to jowl with the next diner after using sharp elbows to get a seat. fast turnaround and snooze you lose! typically azn :P found a little farmers' market near best tofu and enjoyed looking at all the produce after breakfast.

had lunch reso at somewhere snooty but they'd the cheek to ring and cancel the night before because we'd failed to get in touch to confirm the reso 48h before. what nonsense. they should be the one reaching out to confirm, not the customer. but whatevs, don't need that sort of snobbery and clamato was a more than decent plan B. oysters, wine and carpaccio of all kinds. pregnant contraband but maintain that maternal diet is maternal choice and there are enough sanctimonious pregnant people out there without me adding to their numbers ;)

walked off lunch exploring bastille and couldn't resist crepe suzette with gran marnier before picking up some basics at uniqlo.

had another fashionably late dinner post defensive nap at frenchie bar au vin. no reservations so walked in about 2230, seated 2330 (stood with wine glasses in hand for over an hour!) and then ate till about 0100h. but all worth it for the incredible stilton from pasteurised milk. still dreaming of that blue. the yuzu mont blanc was also divine.

paris day 1

had annual leave to clear and decided to hop across the channel once again. was put off the eurostar after my parents' bad experience last month. as our dear family friend C put, with azn families it's once bitten, twice shy by proxy. too true! in retrospect, train still > plane because heathrow is such a mess and coming back, despite landing at 1615h, it took almost an hour to get to the gate because another plane was blocking us, then it was a busy thoroughfare and in the take off queue and basically one lame excuse after another. then the alien queue was about 45min to an hour long, and it took another hour to get home by tube. the immigration hassle is also not worth it because foundation doctors are on a tier 4 student visa, despite not being students, despite working >20h/week (duh) and no border control officer is familiar with this exception so i get questioned like a criminal every single time. it's really not worth it.  

anyway paris is always a dream and when i'm there i forget about work and its multitude of woes. not to go into too much detail but it's been a rough few weeks with ward burning down (no exaggeration) and another patient we'd discharged a few months ago murdering his wife. arrived late afternoon and made a beeline for sanukiya. udon is such a comfort, then purveyed some beans at overpriced cafe with unpleasant waiters.

had a defensive nap before emerging fashionably late for drinks at the newly reopened ritz (hemingway bar is so sexy!) and a 10pm thanksgiving dinner reso at verjus, at friends in the know's recommendation.