not-so-boozy brunch

it's no secret that i miss my sister and the next best thing is to meet with her bff. J's an absolute delight and was her +1 at our wedding almost three years ago. have passed PJ's countless times but somehow never ventured in until my former supervisor used to joke that i was returning from long lunches there when we'd pass in the corridor. it didn't disappoint! reminded me of the raffles for some reason, with the wood paneling and polo photos. brunch was great (tell a lie, we went at 2pm which felt more civilised but brunch is 10-6!) and we were greedy and split three mains two ways, and had coffee and cake aplenty. lovely catching up with J and he may or may not have sent a gloating snapchat to my sister to rub it in that we were hanging and having fun without her!

(food photo credits to J)

early bird

 

really shouldn't be complaining about long hours but adding 15min tube + 5min walk to my previous morning commute of 15min walk is taking its toll. appreciate how ridiculous it is to be whinging about a 40min commute in central london so shall just keep quiet now. and if i was particularly desperate i could always take the bus instead of walking 20min to the tube because with the student travelcard it's not like i'm saving anything by walking. but enjoy the walk most mornings, gets the circulation going and gives me some much needed exercise because i resolutely refuse to do anything else after being on my feet for most of the day. 

with this newfound, re-adjusted body clock, i sprung awake on sunday and couldn't get back to sleep so decided to be strategic and head to granger&co at notting hill. used to go with house guests (because the flight from sg arrives at 0555h, which means said guests would land on my doorstep by 7am...) but since discovering something better in the 'hood, we've not looked back. but thought to give granger another chance, seeing how if we weren't there by 9 (that's the inflection point, folks!) there'd be a queue. and we're too cool to queue unless it's kanada-ya. as an aside, that's probably the only thing i'd willingly jump in line for at this point. not bone daddies, not burger&lobster. so we went to granger and had a nice breakfast. company was great but i much prefer our local (where the inflection point is 930 so there's the extra 30min zz). to be fair, having watched notting hill the night before i was being a little suggestible by wanting to head that way. and notting hill, while pretty, is way to WASP-y for me. funny how almost every uhmurikan wants to live there after the film (who can blame them!) but the odd mix of council housing amidst these fancy period properties means that nice cars don't stay nice very long. in fact, being even more suggestible was watching notting hill because we'd brunch with lovely italian friends at manu*ka in fulham, where hugh*grant frequents. granger's pretty, love the gold and green accents, and the coffee's good but the menu's quite limited. i'm not a fan of corn fritters and was craving pancakes (?) which they didn't have. actually, might've been craving something else that wouldn't have been too out of place on a breakfast menu but they didn't have it. mumble grumble. swung by daylesford to pick up sundries (tea, softener) but the mister wouldn't let me buy more bubbly :(

brick lane

it was a funny sunday morning where quite unfortunately i sprung up at the crack of dawn, one of the occupational hazards of early starts in the week. seeing how i can sleep for singapore, this inability to have a lazy lie-in irks me no end. but ever the eternal optimist, figured i'd be strategic and do something that usually requires much planning and organising to score. hadn't been to gr*anger at notting hill in some time. it used to be our go-to when friends from sg arrived on the antisocial 0555h flight. and we'd drag our comatose bodies to breakfast, desperately trying to wake over bloodymarys. here's a little insider tip if you're wanting to try. the inflection point is about 9 so don't bother going after if you're not the sort who enjoys a good queue. another reason we've not been back in some time is because we've discovered somewhere better in the 'hood. granted it's under 10min to get to notting hill, but maybe 5 to get to our local. anyhoos, gr*anger was o-k? either the standard's dropped, i've become more demanding or just wasn't in the mood. it's good enough but meh, wouldn't make the trek nor queue another time. the selection is limited and there wasn't really anything i wanted. need to stop whinging. there were screaming children. perils of going so early is that you're cheek to jowl with the baby brigade and believe you me, after spending a long week with screaming babies, they're the last thing i want on the weekend. 

oh! but this post isn't about gr*anger but more about brick lane. because after the WASP-y overdose, i needed to re-equilibrate. thought it'd be funny to hazard brick lane (oh my it doesn't get more ethnic than that) and i feared for my handbag. twas a giggle nevertheless, the pop up market transported me back to the night markets in the far east, there were malaysian pancakes (?!) that were comforting and familiar, popcorn chicken with gangnam sauce and lots of other yummies to munch my way through.

bagel was good and worth the long but quick moving queue. love how we'd to get our new york hustle on cos once you're in the front row it's free for all and whoever shouts louder gets served first. take that, you clueless tourists! and the cab serving coffee was cute.

homeward bound after brick lane and it was truly such a lovely day. can't get over the houses of parliament, nor the fact that it's london-living for the foreseeable future. more than makes up for the breakfast remorse!

shabu shabu

after the blow out meal at yashin, we decided to do something more wallet-friendly. my supervisor had invited us to dinner to celebrate chinese new year and i took one look at the mister's shaggy head and decided it wouldn't do. fortuitously, tom, our mane man, is based near japan*centre. and the mister took one for the team while i napped that afternoon to pick up ingredients for shabu shabu after his haircut. we've been the grateful beneficiaries of many a monday night shabu shabu at our neighbours' in singers. their legendary hospitality knows no limit and we've been spoilt rotten by their shabu shabu with the best ingredients and bowl upon bowl of dipping sauce. but as we're eating for two, the mister was pragmatic and prioritised, throwing in some sashimi (finished before photo was taken) for good measure. that's also only half the beef he bought (ah the mister, he tries to ensure i don't go hungry) as my new year resolution is to not finish his food (for a change!) and i'm already failing miserably two months into 2015. the beauty of shabu shabu (as opposed to sukiyaki) lies in its simplicity, and how it's so clean and clean-tasting. will definitely be doing this again! also, as we didn't have steamboat on cny eve (went to ikeda with a spanish friend instead!) this was sort of steamboat-ish, at a pinch.

yashin ocean house

went with taitai friends to yashin south ken a few summers ago and enjoyed their novel take on japanese cuisine. also, the downstairs seating had no mobile reception. great when you're engrossed in conversation, not so great when waiting to hear back from waylaid husband. but connectivity woes aside, it's somewhere i've recommended friends who've also enjoyed it.  that said, it took us awhile to visit the new-ish branch in chelsea. used to walk past it every day on my way home from previous posting and would make mental notes to try it but managed to forget soon after. in fact, truth be told, it always struck me as quite chichi and i'm not a fan of pretentious places so the barrier to entry was quite high ;) but they didn't seem to be oversubscribed and we got a reso for friday night just an hour or so before we meant to go. refreshing not to have to be super organised to score a table, as with most other places in londontown. this city, love-hate, it can be so faddy i want to stay home in protest.

luiz also gave it a good review, so i was more keen to go after reading his vote of confidence. pretty much ordered what he did. only things to add was that we weren't bowled over by the miso cappuccino and we didn't like the sushi rolls. he wagyu beef roll reminded me of corned beef. now i love corned beef and could eat it all day every day, but not at wagyu price. and the ebi ten roll was uninspiring. regret not getting the sushi omakase as that would probably have been better. the cocktail we tried (kagurasaka) wasn't great but looked the best on the list, and i'd rather have had another starter / small sake instead. but the ikura was amazing, the head to tai-l stellar and the matcha sorbet pretty darn good. as was the warm junmai.

eel with truffle - the texture of the eel was so different from the usual braised sweet unagidon i'm used to and it went really well with the shaved truffle

we demolished every bit of the tai, right down (up?) to the eyeballs!

one of those mornings

when only a massive full english will help. in fact, it isn't really a full english (no tomatoes, no mushrooms, no (dare i say) haggis and the toast wasn't fried) but it's hospital food and how naughty can they get. oh fried toast, how i miss you. been ravenous of late, maybe it's the cold weather. sorry, don't mean to be one of those girls talking about food all the time. it's defo something on my mind alot, and most times i get to eat what i want. but gosh those humblebrags who talk about eating all day and don't look it? they just come across as smug and self-satisfied. it's unfair to womankind and i'm all for loving your fellow (wo)man. suppose haters are gonna hate and this little rant is triggered by a wag in the tabloids who said something like, "i really shouldn't be this thin because i eat soooo much! i must have a high metabolism but i'm sure it'll catch up when i hit thirty." vain attempt to normalise doesn't make it any better. and i don't believe her for a moment. agree some are genetically blessed and good for them, i don't begrudge them their cheeseburgers haha but i think women in general should be more aware / sensitive of what they say and how that can affect the vulnerable / less secure out there. in paeds, there are eating disorders aplenty and it's sad how girlies can be so easily triggered to self-harm. 

and maybe being smug / self-satisfied is something i'm slowly getting more uncomfortable with. guilty as charged and conscious not to rub my perceived happiness in other people's faces. made the mistake of looking at fb posts from about three years ago and ohmy i really don't like the girl who can't stop talking about her amazing husband. three years on, he's no less amazing but hm defo keen to tone the public adoration down a couple of notches. to each his own and it's nice when people are happy and proud of their +1s but i think the initial eagerness to remind the world we're newlywed has given way to a quiet contentment that isn't bolstered by fb / insta likes. in fact, i've become more zealous re: guarding our privacy and keeping more moments 'just us'. because, really, why would i want randoms to know where we go or what we get up to?

gosh, all that from a full english! but the wards have been a steep learning curve, as always. fascinated by the acute medicine as much as i am by the ethical minefield. child protection, organ donation, weekly morbidity&mortality meetings... my inner lawyer is elated to be in an environment that grapples with medicolegal law on an almost daily basis. it's such a geek moment to tease out legal issues and their ramifications. yes, it's always horrible when children die and you hope they're few and far between. but i'm of the view that the higher the toll the 'better' the unit's work because it reflects how they're taking the truly poorly kiddies who if they were to have a chance anywhere, it'd be here. and if even that's not enough, then nothing else humanly possible would've been. but easy for me to say. it's not my child and after spending sufficient time with the unit i have nothing but confidence in the team and their ability.

birthday bouquets

every year on my birthday, i surprise someone special with a bouquet. it's a sweet idea i chanced upon a couple of years ago and very much appreciated. am far from articulate and often guilty of not expressing how i feel, when a simple 'thank you' or 'i love you' can go so far. so i fall hook line and sinker for the flower industry and try to convey all that  sentiment with some blooms. also like how it's not something she takes for granted, and when there was a last minute trip over my birthday this year and too late to recall the flowers i'd arrangd to be sent to the office, some super sleuthing was required to get in touch with her hotel. and the concierge, bless them, were quick to arrange for a bouquet that turned out to be even prettier than the original. in fact, they even hand wrote the note i'd dictated. used to laugh when men would send their wives / lovers flowers through the seccie but now i'm sort of joining the club, in a different sort of way. remember one valentine's when i was working, a partners was asked if he'd sent his wife flowers, to which he scoffed and said, "that's what i pay the seccie for!" sure that's meant in jest (i hope) but machismo aside, i recognise that being oceans away it's sort of the next best thing to co-opting my probably unobliging sister to doing the deed. photo above of the classy swiss bouquet and the one below is the sg offering that she also sent a photo of when eventually back to her desk. glad it lasted a couple of days at the very least!

girlfriends

it's been a pseudo-quiet week, one of those where i'm determined to have minimal activity but ends up being busy busy, in the best possible way. blessed to have amazing friends who reach out when i'm at my hermetic worse, drawing me out of the little cave with offers of company. constantly reminded how fortunate i am to have friends who are present, who make an effort to engage even when i'm caught up with work and far from my agreeable best. P knows how i can sleep for singapore, and how running on 5h sleep the last couple of weeks makes for a crabby patty. but still she made plans, and i ended up sneaking off a little earlier than anticipated on monday.

visited her bachelorette pad because i'm nosey like that, then popped by hoxtons to rub shoulders with the hipster crowd. 

oh i felt so uncool, and P made a point to laugh at the name tag i'd forgotten to remove upon exiting the ward. she's an old old friend and we've been friends for nearly half our lives. we smiled at how some things don't change - it was a monday evening and she was revising and doing assignments, while i was trying to run away from responsibility, much like how it was it secondary school! we were joined at the hip till j2, then she left sg for uni and we only saw each other when i was interviewing for medsch on her turf, which happened to fall on the same weekend she was home for her brother's wedding in 2011. but she's since moved to london to do her masters and all's right with the world. reuniting last summer was one of my highlights of 2014 and while we don't see as much of each other as i'd like (well, maybe more so now seeing how work is 15min from where she's staying!) it's always a good time to her. grateful to be known, to have her in my corner and for her constantly talking sense into me. need that more than i care to admit!

with the mister away wheeling and dealing, i'm dangerously left to my own devices. healthy eating habits go out of the window and i'm not proud of the four maccas apple pies i'd for dinner last night. nor the ben&jerry's peanut butter cup i'd for dinner tonight. pb cup reminds me of summer cruising (when i'd a 6 scoops a day habit for 10 days) and brings me right back to sunny days at sea, creepy ice-cream man notwithstanding. big proponent of listening to one's body but i do need to learn to shut it up when it demands junk food. emotional triggers, much. not that life's been particularly emotional. tired from work but it's more the early starts than its actual nature. was momentarily wondering if i'd become weak sauce when it came to medical futility and loss but no, still relatively unmoved by the daily tragedy that is work. there are only a couple of people i can tell about my day, and often they put it in perspective. such is the beauty of having sounding boards far wiser than i'll ever be.

often i need to tell myself to snap out of being so self-absorbed, to think about other people for a change because there are bigger problems out there. and there are bright sparks like blue skies and leaving work when it's still light out. surrounded by so much sadness means coping mechanisms become macabre. realise it's not for everyone, especially not the mister who, bless him, has the most sensitive soul. i see the pain flash across his eyes every time i tell him about yet another babe that didn't make it. and have since learnt to actively filter so as not to cause unnecessary aggravation. 

broadway market

another weekend, another friend in town! a dear friend was visiting from sao paolo for the week and after much talk and several failed attempts to take him to the market on previous trips, finally made it happen. never mind that we were at broadway the week before with two other friends who were also passing through town. can't get enough of that part of london and don't need much of an excuse to trek across the city. did try to shake things up a bit and gobble all the things we missed last week, which worked out quite well because one visit isn't enough to satiate the gluttony. the folk music had me bopping along despite being completely sober, we'd the yummiest grilled cheese haggis sandwiches that reminded me so much of edinburgh, easily my favourite english (haha) city.

mediocre scotch eggs that would've been much better hot.

more grilled cheese sandwiches and sweet potato fries (not in the photo are the awesome dumplings from dumpling shack lovingly wrapped on the spot by the amazing john li). always mean to take photos but forget because i get so caught up devouring them on the spot. happens every single time and i'm quite resigned to not having photos but hey, sharing is caring.

didn't actually have any of the juice but it made for a pretty picture, photo credits to luiz our ever agreeable houseguest.

and yummy freshly baked breads and pastries from under the railway arch. it was also here that i received some excellent news and promptly ran out to ring my brainy bff who's off to MIT, having already collected degrees aplenty from UPenn and stanford. i look at her and her amazing over-qualification and wonder what in the world i'm doing with my life.

wifely duties

the perks of being married to mr. social is the wining and dining that comes with it. if only a generous expense account came with it too, but alas, one cannot have everything. there was the big hutong 'do at the start of cny week for 30. hadn't done an event at hutong before this but it's no secret we're big fans. this is little plug is completely un-sponsored btw, didn't receive a discount or any kick back but also a big believer in giving credit where due. the events team was such a breeze to coordinate things with and incredibly accommodating of the various dietary restrictions. i'm azn, eat everything, and am often unduly miffed when people exclude huge food groups from their diet. yet with age i find myself more accepting, more understanding and respectful of lifestyle choices. vege/vegan is something i understand better because it's tempting and something i'd attempt to incorporate if i wasn't such a glutton. but other weird and wonderful diets? my (already scant) patience wears thin.

got there early and while i probably should've pulled some organising weight, chickened out and nursed a drink by the bar to get some liquid courage going before having to face a sea of relatively unfamiliar faces. but as my darling sister put when i spoke with her a couple of days later, "you've a pretty good game face, no?" so yay for votes of confidence and fake it till you make it. and i suppose the thing is, this was a purely social gathering among friends. any faux pas would have minimal consequence / bizniz reverb because friends don't judge, right?

the staff were incredibly attentive, and we were thrilled by the excellent service. the mister often accuses me of being difficult (i'm not) and make a point to always be polite and respectful but i do ask him to sort it out during the event if deliverables aren't being met. don't feel it fair as a consumer and service receiver to be expected to accept substandard anything. so no complaints there, in fact, they surpassed already high expectations. the food was superlative and our guests fell in love with the view. suppose there's nothing not to like about the place but hutong is our sweet spot of incredibly views and solid food. it's not often the stars align and we're more used to cracking ambience but mediocre dishes, or the converse when some of the best meals we've had are in bomb shelter-esque environs.

because it was cny, the chef kindly prepared yu sheng. love off-piste ordering, makes me feel so special. simple things for simple folk ;) our friends had an absolute blast tossing it, and some of it might've even ended on the ceiling which was momentarily mortifying but for the forgiving and ever-smiling staff. cultural exchanges, ftw!

this was a lucky iphone5 photo and somehow the lighting really worked out. peking duck was super yums and think we've found our new go-to place :)

can't go to hutong without having the red lantern (soft shell crab on basket of dried chillis) which inspired ooohs and aahs as it was presented, fish with black bean, crispy lamb, sauteed prawns, chopped up duck with lettuce and seafood fried rice. the ginger ice cream and red bean pancake for dessert was sublime, as was the veuve and wines.

on a slightly different note, my current placement has rendered me the least popular person at a party. because when people start asking about my day, telling them i stood by as three babies died in the last 24h is quite the conversation killer (for obvious reasons, i hope). it's always interesting to see how different people react to such news. from overtly sentimental types welling up (yikes!) to the more pragmatic / utilitarian sort harking back to the spartan habit of hurling sick babies off a cliff. clearly the ideal lies in a happy medium. but being around death on a daily basis is sobering to say the least, and thought-provoking on a level i'd yet to experience. mind you, having just completed a six week med/surgical oncology posting before driving straight into this one was slightly more masochistic than anticipated. but hey, steep learning curve and immensely grateful to be at a centre of excellence learning from some of the best.

escalation

what was meant to be a quiet friday night ended up anything but. didn't take much convincing to get a couple of friends to my new favourite italian. in fact, one of them's italian and gave the place his stamp of approval after appetisers, so defo on to something good! knew they'd be pre-gaming at duke's (omg, crazy martinis) and they rolled round almost rip-roaringly plastered. would've been even more late if said italian who was the only other one there on time took a photo of my hangry face and sent it to the group. who i hear on good authority chugged their third (!!!) martini (doesn't sound like much but seeing how duke's is 101% martini...) and uber-ed over in double-time. 

bottles of '99 babaresco, a proper grown up wine, two huge starters and a pasta each, followed by veal milanese and tiramisu was not for the faint hearted. but the escalation was really when after shisha and bottomless moroccan mint tea, we found ourselves downstairs at momo's for more drinks, then rolled out and into boujis past two. stayed till closing because we're cool like that and then, because of my amazing foresight having parked the car in the 'hood at the very start of the evening, i drove G home. sorry to keep harping about the cheap chill that driving in london is but having only just started driving in the city after being based here for three years, it's a big deal for me. see, told you i was cool that way. even more cool is how i stopped drinking at dinner, and the boys were only too happy to finish my drinks after. as an aside, as a girlie the moment you don't drink you're on baby watch despite my protestations about being the designated driver and having the car quite fortuitously near our last stop for the night.

going out is one of those funny things that i'm constantly in two minds about. can count the number of times i've been out in london on one hand. in fact, it's thrice in three years so really nothing to crow about. lament i'm too old and boring for this sort of excitement but inevitably make a huge deal out of it each time precisely because there's not much to report from my sofa. twas a good crew, which makes all the difference, and in true form we re-grouped for lunch at broadway market this afternoon to de-brief and take the mick outta each other over various hangover cures. the jury's still out whether the hot coconut tea, warmed spiced cider or bloody mary rendered the greatest efficacy. then again, it could be any of the beef pho, vietnamese iced coffee, savoury galette, duck confit burger, wood-fired pizza, dumplings or donuts that did the trick. lack self-restraint at the best of times and did little to resist the smorgasboard of delectables. 

generally inert and inactive, i routinely refuse to leave the borough. hence italian a stone's throw from hospital, which's a stone's throw from home. determined to walk everywhere (delusional) and so far so good, unless it's raining. in which case vroom vroom. meant to spend today recovering, but having been energetic and gone to broadway i'm thinking maybe tomorrow's going to be quiet.

feb, let's goo!

it's been one of those gloriously sunny stretches and much as i'm a shade-seeker, the soft winter sun has got to be a favourite. finished morning clinic on time and had a little break so took the scenic route home for a cheeky lunch. was a good week, weekend and i'm excited for the week ahead.

it feels so grown up to be living on my own in london, having friends pop over at the drop of a hat and deciding to throw fabulous dinner parties (ok, maybe only fabulous in my head!) at whim. M came round for cake and coffee saturday afternoon and we'd a lovely girly catch up for hours and hours. time flew and as i've said before, not watching the clock over deep meaningful conversation is one of life's biggest joys. phones away, 100% present and engaged / engaging. once she left (boo!) it was time to get down to bizniz of cooking for visiting family. 

there's nothing i enjoy more than getting busy in the kitchen (any excuse, really!) and even more when it's for the folks nearest and dearest to me. i know exactly what they like / dislike and can plan things to the tiniest detail (happy-OCD alert). simple meal, freshest ingredients, no added salt no oil but still tasty, if you get what i mean. turns out i'm the only one who likes cod but substituted with salmon for the rest, silky chicken porridge, massive garden salad (bit east meets west there!) mash with spring veg and a fresh fruit in lieu of pudding. super azn but reminds me of home. in fact, when R came round for dinner a couple of weeks ago, he commented that he'd not had fresh cut, skinned and sliced fruit for pudding since singers. discovered a taste for almond milk lattes (soooo good!) and got the rest hooked too. this is after freaking out at GM soy and phyto-oestrogens. sigh. bring me back to asia where the soy is genuine :(

and quite accidentally, i might be hosting dinner for six (eeks, dining table fits four comfortably!) because my dear friend T is in town and being the charming, popular personality has a big-ish group of friends to catch up with. the more the merrier? so if they all land on my doorstep tomorrow, it'll be a first for me. the mister expressed surprise that i'd invited T and (essentially) strangers for dinner but this has been a funny year where i'm trying to do things that scare me. the first scary thing i did was drive home from oxford street and parallel park all by myself. so maybe this is the next step for my inner misanthrope. am a self-confessed one-trick pony when it comes to home entertaining and there are a couple of stalwarts i can reliably assemble / produce on demand i.e. massive salad, good roast chicken, home made from scratch lasagne, cheese platter and tiramisu / brownies with ice cream. when in doubt, always have a couple of frozen pizzas handy with posh supplements to up the ante, and bottles of good wine that makes guests more forgiving of potential kitchen disasters. 

on the same hostessing note, have psyching up to help the mister host a massive 'do next week and a little nervous but hey, adding to my wifely repertoire (cook, entertain, clean + doctorlawyering) is also on the 'to do' list of perpetual self-improvement. relieved it's going to be at hutong (so there's no cooking nor cleaning to be done) and trying not to be intimidated / overwhelmed by the guest list. also hope they're quickly inebriated so they won't remember when i stick my foot in it. almost eight years together has taught him that with sufficient notice and mental preparation, i'm more or less game for most things so he's been cheeky to sound me out waay in advance knowing i'll come round to the idea in due time.

went on a tiny expedition to richmond. not been in winter but lucked out with the weather and our usual haunt was practically preening in the sunshine. yummy lunch followed by slow walk along the thames in a vain attempt to walk some of it off. would've liked to walk to kew had we time and energy but alas the siren song of the shops was louder than my plea for healthy living.

(photo credits to the papa-razzi)

lazy sunday

sitting surrounded by loads of drying laundry. have the stand out, stand #2 i inherited from a friend who's since left london, the duvet spread across two dining table chairs and the sheet across the arm chair and ottoman. it's quite a sight and being the organised housewife i am, i only put the laundry on in the evening, and am too parsimonious to use the dryer. no prizes for guessing who's sleeping on an unmade bed tonight (because i'm also too parsimonious for a second set of sheets). but it's been a lovely weekend spent predominantly at home. also, i drove home from oxford street and parallel parked on the very first try all by myself this afternoon. might not sound like much but they're both firsts for me and i'm still on cloud9. simple things for simple folks...

had leftovers from last night's thai take out for dinner while watching friends. how retro! i cannot believe there's a whole generation of kiddies who don't know what friends is. possibly because they're younger than ben (ross' son, for the uninitiated) but omg, boggles the mind. then a nice long bath x two (sorry, earth!) because i'm so inspired by garance and her moroccan mitt.was listening to a talk while in the bath and reminded how much i miss my home church in singers. have spotty attendance at a church near home here but it's not the same. vicar was preaching about god's favour (target audience: people completely unfamiliar with the concept) and i got a bit mean and started wondering why they're 15 years behind everyone else. bad jo.

friends have been kind and supportive re: most recent post and i'm constantly floored when people reach out. being a medical student is a funny thing where i feel underfoot and in the way most of the time, and woefully inadequate for the rest of it. there's no therapeutic benefit for the patient who's so graciously let me sit in on consultations and i dislike the almost voyeuristic quality being an observer inherently brings. yesyes, appreciate it's all about training the next generation and passing on the baton but i wish i could do more than dispense tissues at the first sign of a wobbly chin and change the paper cover on the examination couch. on a more positive note, it's nice to have no responsibilities, to be learning for learning's sake and to be thinking beyond finals because maybe this is what i want to do when i grow up. there was a slightly awkward moment at the end of clinic last week when the absolutely wonderful registrar i've been shadowing may have been asked on a date by another reg. it wasn't the smoothest of pick ups and my dating radar is non-existent but thought to be safe and bid a hasty retreat. darn. my social skills are so lacking that it's embarrassing!

thoughts on jan 2015

typing this on the first day of feb. can't believe january's whizzed by and we're into the second month of 2015. things have been busy in the real world, hence the relative silence on this front. but it's not just that. part of me feels increasingly reticent and hermetic with time, as if there's a creeping aversion to social media and being "out there" about what i get up to. life's been pretty much the same, more social in some ways even, but i'm less inclined to shout it from the rooftops. 

lots has happened this month, most of it thought-provoking, and i'm trying to figure out what motivates me. uninteresting existential questions and the like. not quite searching but i think most of one's 20s (or life?) is spent refining ideas, cultivating new ones and generally working towards being a better version of oneself. in theory, anyway. 

been incredibly fortunate to be in clinics at a centre of excellence and relishing every moment. steep learning curve and everyone's a superstar so i leave work feeling 2cm tall most days. humbling and awe-inspiring at the same time and so very excited to be on the cutting edge of medicine, learning from some of the world's best. did take a while to find my feet and found the first week particularly tough but hey, comes with the territory and glad to be on the other side now. also, being a 15min stroll to work is literally the best thing ever. not counting on the stars aligning as such again so treasuring every extra minute of zzz. was a little overambitious and ended up squeezing what was meant to be a six week audit into a week and a half so there were a couple of 12+h days (oh the shame!) that are thankfully behind me, or so i hope! 12h should be nothing but i'm totes weaksauce after leaving gainful employment in 2011.

on the social front it's been a carousel of friends in town and been lucky to have time with dear friends i don't see as often as i'd like. what's fun has also been doing different things with guests so as not to bore myself with a tried-and-tested "jo's top 5 things to do in london". keeping things fresh and mixing them up just means sort of dragging my ever-obliging visitors into my life, doing what i normally do i.e. weekends in the country, brunch in the 'hood, coffee runs to the local bakery, sunday dimsum lunches, gastropub adventures with foodie friends, home-cooked dinners at home, exploring new korean restaurants in the city etc. so, really, nothing particularly special or touristy. there's something to be said about finding joy in the ordinary and i've been quite particular about not going out of my way to entertain people. selfish as it sounds, life goes on and they're welcome to come along. 

a friend commented that the company i keep is all hyper-ambitious, over-achieving types and i got a bit self-conscious. don't necessarily agree but admit it might seem like that? like to think i value capability and potential, not particularly current networth in fact, i'm a big believer in undervalued sorts. yet i'm privileged to know some truly interesting people with fascinating minds, the sort i can just sit and listen to and feel smarter for at the end of it. love an exchange of ideas and getting different perspectives. A was telling me about criminal defence she practices at the hague, J about clerking for a federal judge and their frequent trips to hold court in papua new guinea, M about her organic dog food business and breeding winning racehorses, Y about auctioning off a diplomat's art collection in amsterdam, S for booking the hand&flower a year in advance and letting me free-ride on his reso, X about the ebola vaccine trials she's working on, E about writing foreign worker policy in singers and R likening neurosurgery to plumbing. having left the legal industry, i'm more than happy to live vicariously through friends in practice whom i met in stockholm on exchange and who've gone on to do amazingly well as lawyers, and friends who've similarly left practice for more attractive ventures. i suppose everyone picks their path and their battle. 

there's also been a fair bit of event planning / hosting to be done for which i grudgingly drag my feet along. there's a 'do for 100 at a chinese resto i like but i forget how much i enjoy negotiating and doing deals. feel incredibly accomplished to have substituted better dishes at no extra cost, and locked in four bottles of wine per table at a steal, with fixed low prices for cocktails. maybe it's an azn thing but i get such a kick out of feeling i've created / added value. and it's a bit embarrassing but i also like cultivating relationships and reaping the benefit in VIP discount and queue-jumping privileges. 20min wait for table of seven when i've waited 90min for table of three previously... don't mind if i do! doing another dinner at hutong, this time for 30, and again it's game face on and charm offensive. may be getting the wheels rolling for a nus*lawsch reunion in london too! feel the point of garnering goodwill is to pass it on, and who better to benefit than dear alma mater.

what's been more restorative, however, is having friends over for dinner. gotten into a little groove and taken to cooking for one or two friends at a time. not a fan of big groups unless absolutely necessary and it's great to do a simple but quality meal over a bottle of wine. far from a confident cook but friends have been forgiving, which's always an attractive trait. what was super nice today was that friends who were in the neighbourhood stopped by for coffee, which turned into cheese and charcuterie with bubbly rose. it's wonderful to be known and to have friends comfortable enough to come over spontaneously. and after they left, my local thai decided to be snarky so got take out and had newly-pregnant friends home for dinner instead. not to be vindictive but it's more comfortable at home, with limitless wine and singha beer plus friends stayed past midnight which's usually the sign of a good night, especially with mama-to-be's new 8pm bedime.

then when i'm social-ed out, bid a hasty retreat into my little cave and stay there for a stretch before venturing out again. more ebb and flow of interest and energy than bipolar (i hope!) and truly enjoying this time of responsibility-free self-indulgence. work's contained to the week, weekends wide open for 12h sleeps or as action-packed as i'm wanting them to be. appreciate things won't always be like this and grateful to be in a good place now. can't ask for more!