thoughts on jan 2015

typing this on the first day of feb. can't believe january's whizzed by and we're into the second month of 2015. things have been busy in the real world, hence the relative silence on this front. but it's not just that. part of me feels increasingly reticent and hermetic with time, as if there's a creeping aversion to social media and being "out there" about what i get up to. life's been pretty much the same, more social in some ways even, but i'm less inclined to shout it from the rooftops. 

lots has happened this month, most of it thought-provoking, and i'm trying to figure out what motivates me. uninteresting existential questions and the like. not quite searching but i think most of one's 20s (or life?) is spent refining ideas, cultivating new ones and generally working towards being a better version of oneself. in theory, anyway. 

been incredibly fortunate to be in clinics at a centre of excellence and relishing every moment. steep learning curve and everyone's a superstar so i leave work feeling 2cm tall most days. humbling and awe-inspiring at the same time and so very excited to be on the cutting edge of medicine, learning from some of the world's best. did take a while to find my feet and found the first week particularly tough but hey, comes with the territory and glad to be on the other side now. also, being a 15min stroll to work is literally the best thing ever. not counting on the stars aligning as such again so treasuring every extra minute of zzz. was a little overambitious and ended up squeezing what was meant to be a six week audit into a week and a half so there were a couple of 12+h days (oh the shame!) that are thankfully behind me, or so i hope! 12h should be nothing but i'm totes weaksauce after leaving gainful employment in 2011.

on the social front it's been a carousel of friends in town and been lucky to have time with dear friends i don't see as often as i'd like. what's fun has also been doing different things with guests so as not to bore myself with a tried-and-tested "jo's top 5 things to do in london". keeping things fresh and mixing them up just means sort of dragging my ever-obliging visitors into my life, doing what i normally do i.e. weekends in the country, brunch in the 'hood, coffee runs to the local bakery, sunday dimsum lunches, gastropub adventures with foodie friends, home-cooked dinners at home, exploring new korean restaurants in the city etc. so, really, nothing particularly special or touristy. there's something to be said about finding joy in the ordinary and i've been quite particular about not going out of my way to entertain people. selfish as it sounds, life goes on and they're welcome to come along. 

a friend commented that the company i keep is all hyper-ambitious, over-achieving types and i got a bit self-conscious. don't necessarily agree but admit it might seem like that? like to think i value capability and potential, not particularly current networth in fact, i'm a big believer in undervalued sorts. yet i'm privileged to know some truly interesting people with fascinating minds, the sort i can just sit and listen to and feel smarter for at the end of it. love an exchange of ideas and getting different perspectives. A was telling me about criminal defence she practices at the hague, J about clerking for a federal judge and their frequent trips to hold court in papua new guinea, M about her organic dog food business and breeding winning racehorses, Y about auctioning off a diplomat's art collection in amsterdam, S for booking the hand&flower a year in advance and letting me free-ride on his reso, X about the ebola vaccine trials she's working on, E about writing foreign worker policy in singers and R likening neurosurgery to plumbing. having left the legal industry, i'm more than happy to live vicariously through friends in practice whom i met in stockholm on exchange and who've gone on to do amazingly well as lawyers, and friends who've similarly left practice for more attractive ventures. i suppose everyone picks their path and their battle. 

there's also been a fair bit of event planning / hosting to be done for which i grudgingly drag my feet along. there's a 'do for 100 at a chinese resto i like but i forget how much i enjoy negotiating and doing deals. feel incredibly accomplished to have substituted better dishes at no extra cost, and locked in four bottles of wine per table at a steal, with fixed low prices for cocktails. maybe it's an azn thing but i get such a kick out of feeling i've created / added value. and it's a bit embarrassing but i also like cultivating relationships and reaping the benefit in VIP discount and queue-jumping privileges. 20min wait for table of seven when i've waited 90min for table of three previously... don't mind if i do! doing another dinner at hutong, this time for 30, and again it's game face on and charm offensive. may be getting the wheels rolling for a nus*lawsch reunion in london too! feel the point of garnering goodwill is to pass it on, and who better to benefit than dear alma mater.

what's been more restorative, however, is having friends over for dinner. gotten into a little groove and taken to cooking for one or two friends at a time. not a fan of big groups unless absolutely necessary and it's great to do a simple but quality meal over a bottle of wine. far from a confident cook but friends have been forgiving, which's always an attractive trait. what was super nice today was that friends who were in the neighbourhood stopped by for coffee, which turned into cheese and charcuterie with bubbly rose. it's wonderful to be known and to have friends comfortable enough to come over spontaneously. and after they left, my local thai decided to be snarky so got take out and had newly-pregnant friends home for dinner instead. not to be vindictive but it's more comfortable at home, with limitless wine and singha beer plus friends stayed past midnight which's usually the sign of a good night, especially with mama-to-be's new 8pm bedime.

then when i'm social-ed out, bid a hasty retreat into my little cave and stay there for a stretch before venturing out again. more ebb and flow of interest and energy than bipolar (i hope!) and truly enjoying this time of responsibility-free self-indulgence. work's contained to the week, weekends wide open for 12h sleeps or as action-packed as i'm wanting them to be. appreciate things won't always be like this and grateful to be in a good place now. can't ask for more!