one of those mornings

when only a massive full english will help. in fact, it isn't really a full english (no tomatoes, no mushrooms, no (dare i say) haggis and the toast wasn't fried) but it's hospital food and how naughty can they get. oh fried toast, how i miss you. been ravenous of late, maybe it's the cold weather. sorry, don't mean to be one of those girls talking about food all the time. it's defo something on my mind alot, and most times i get to eat what i want. but gosh those humblebrags who talk about eating all day and don't look it? they just come across as smug and self-satisfied. it's unfair to womankind and i'm all for loving your fellow (wo)man. suppose haters are gonna hate and this little rant is triggered by a wag in the tabloids who said something like, "i really shouldn't be this thin because i eat soooo much! i must have a high metabolism but i'm sure it'll catch up when i hit thirty." vain attempt to normalise doesn't make it any better. and i don't believe her for a moment. agree some are genetically blessed and good for them, i don't begrudge them their cheeseburgers haha but i think women in general should be more aware / sensitive of what they say and how that can affect the vulnerable / less secure out there. in paeds, there are eating disorders aplenty and it's sad how girlies can be so easily triggered to self-harm. 

and maybe being smug / self-satisfied is something i'm slowly getting more uncomfortable with. guilty as charged and conscious not to rub my perceived happiness in other people's faces. made the mistake of looking at fb posts from about three years ago and ohmy i really don't like the girl who can't stop talking about her amazing husband. three years on, he's no less amazing but hm defo keen to tone the public adoration down a couple of notches. to each his own and it's nice when people are happy and proud of their +1s but i think the initial eagerness to remind the world we're newlywed has given way to a quiet contentment that isn't bolstered by fb / insta likes. in fact, i've become more zealous re: guarding our privacy and keeping more moments 'just us'. because, really, why would i want randoms to know where we go or what we get up to?

gosh, all that from a full english! but the wards have been a steep learning curve, as always. fascinated by the acute medicine as much as i am by the ethical minefield. child protection, organ donation, weekly morbidity&mortality meetings... my inner lawyer is elated to be in an environment that grapples with medicolegal law on an almost daily basis. it's such a geek moment to tease out legal issues and their ramifications. yes, it's always horrible when children die and you hope they're few and far between. but i'm of the view that the higher the toll the 'better' the unit's work because it reflects how they're taking the truly poorly kiddies who if they were to have a chance anywhere, it'd be here. and if even that's not enough, then nothing else humanly possible would've been. but easy for me to say. it's not my child and after spending sufficient time with the unit i have nothing but confidence in the team and their ability.