rough days

it's been a somewhat bumpy start to final year. my aim to remain an effervescent bubble of enthusiastic oblivion hasn't gone according to plan. suppose it was more a matter of crash landing to reality after a relaxed third year (yay clinics!) and get-outta-jail fourth year in london and elective in singers. not without its challenges but nothing insurmountable, you know? even with only one (maybe two) weeks off between fourth and fifth year, still managed to make the most of it. then suddenly the learning curve increases exponentially. it was all cuddly in third year, fumbling for diagnosis and loads of encouragement to nudge us in the right general direction. suddenly fifth year is ohmymama, expected to be able to rattle off investigations and management plans from the get go. take no prisoners! have also found women's health tricky. now i'm a girly girl and all for loving fellow (wo)man so it's hard to be in termination of pregnancy clinics because i feel of the women having to make such horrible decisions. again, respect and support her for doing what she thinks is best by her. this is of course juxtaposed by infertility clinic the very next day and seeing couple after couple having difficulty conceiving. in between the extremes, there's early pregnancy clinic with miscarriages (threatened, inevitable, complete and partial) and people on an emotional rollercoaster marinating in pregnancy hormones. all pretty grim. of course labour ward is a largely happy place but uh watching the superheroes push buses through teensyy tiny doors is a far from pretty sight. long hours, working weekend without off in lieu (???!) and being generally sleep-deprived is probably more than representative of what working life is going to be like. 

so it was after TOP clinic that i came home a little sad and ordered a chinese take out to feel better. admittedly not the best coping mechanism but it did the trick. and stocked up on emergency waitrose meals for the next rough day, which sad to say came in quick succession. hey ho.