parallel universe

it's no secret that i left my heart in stockholm in 2009. had the most glorious time on exchange, met an amazing group of friends whom i'm still in touch with and in a strange way, stockholm is my happy place. thinking about my huge room in kungshamra and taking the bus to uni never fails to cheer me up. of course thoughts of the endless corridor parties and white nights on the yellow house roof terrace don't hurt either. just got off the phone with J, a dear friend who was just back in sweden over summer, and we were musing about how life would've been so different if we'd stayed on and worked for swedish firms. we'd probably be enjoying 10am starts, 6 weeks annual leave, summers in our country homes and incredible benefits. what leaves an even bigger pang is how i did have a good relationship with the firms, and attended one too many recruitment lunches ;) still in touch with the industry contacts i made, and they, too, have become friends over the years. in fact, just got a couple of emails from their summer homes!

if i'd been white, single, and without close family, i'd have moved in a heartbeat. but that's a big if. perceived or otherwise, the bamboo ceiling was not something i felt confident of breaking. and there was my wonderful family in singers. london isn't much closer than stockholm but it's easier to assimilate into, and it's with the view to get my GMC qualifications and then get outta here. i complain enough, but when 30% of the mister's modest salary goes to 'national insurance' and tax every month, it's all i can do to stop from screaming. i mean, if it were a personal stash (like CPF!) that we eventually get back, fine. but it's not. it disappears into a common pool and i'm not about to wish a serious illness on either of us to see a return on his investment. 

in that respect, sweden is no better (income tax was 68%, or so i learnt during swedish law course) and i wouldn't be any happier to pay taxes should i have stayed on to work in stockholm. which is why i'm genuinely worried by this year's national day rally and the increasingly populist slant. having lived in sweden and the uk, and enduring the pain that is uk tax, populist measures are really not the way to go! but what to do, singaporeans can be demanding, unappreciative and entitled. bo pians.

so on to happier things, like memories of cider nights at the law house in stockholm uni. the bartender who used to sneak us free drinks now works for one of the top swedish law firms, and J's swedish fling is now a mother. sodermalm has a ton of new indie shops and apparently the rest of sweden is pretty darn scenic too. silly me for being too comfortable to venture beyond stockholm. 

i read an article recently where the writer lamented how the older she gets, the more scandinavian she becomes. and i find the same slowly happening to me. increasingly minimalist, i'm happy with tiny spaces and a capsule wardrobe. might be a by-product of this constant moving / lack of permanence. displacement is too strong a word but for the first time ever, when i was last back in singers, i felt out of place. the moment we touched down at changi (still my all-time favourite airport!) i wanted to turn around and go back to london. singers was too hot. which is a really stupid reason not to want to go home. but it's where my family is, where i want to raise my eventual family. and let's just hope populist measures will not be reason enough to never return.