titanic museum

we'd one free afternoon in belfast and much as i wanted to enjoy the hotel spa, the mister insisted we immerse ourselves in culture instead of the hot tub. hrmph. i'm usually too unrefined for museums and it took much persuasion to get me into this one. after all, we live in london. museums are free. i don't believe in having to pay to educate myself. however, i'm so glad the mister prevailed because this was one of the best museums i've ever been to and thoroughly enjoyed myself. in fact, the mister is now paying the price for his insistence when i bandy random irrelevant and irreverent titanic facts at dinner, leading to proportionate social awkwardness. like, 'did you know typhoid mary was originally from belfast?' it's a truly interactive museum. i used to hate that word because it reminded me of lame science centre activities but now i'm seeing it in a different light. the layout is thought-provoking and engaging, there's short, witty copy (see below!) and even a ride that takes the visitors through the titanic construction yard. if you've been to disneyland, it's sort of like the peter pan / snow white / pinocchio rides.

and here's a mock up of a first class cabin on the titanic, with otherworldly projections of well-heeled passengers and their servants.

 

worth every penny! and despite my multiple protestations, the mister ended up tearing me away from the exhibits (i was engrossed by the stories and lost track of time!) and rushing us to the airport. not bad for a chilly afternoon :)

dark hedges

was already north after visiting the giant's causeway and moseyed by dark hedges as you do. it's one of the most photographed spots in the north and hmm all i can say is there's some pretty clever photography there! probably not skilled nor artistic enough to truly appreciate the stretch for all its beauty but again found it underwhelming. i mean, it's the most popular place for wedding photographs. uh, really?! took some heavy duty squinting to convince ourselves that it was indeed picturesque. if not for the other tourists / professional photographers with their fancy kit, we weren't sure if we were even at the correct stretch because the postal code on the website directed us to someone's driveway.

berts

one of the perks of staying at the merchant hotel was that we didn't have to brave the elements for dinner on saturday. the mister was toying with the idea of booking us a restaurant downtown, but figured it'd be silly going out when we'd a highly-rated restaurant on our doorstep. and after a day's travel (we'd a relatively early start to get to the causeway and took a slow drive back through dark hedges) he was right that the last thing i wanted to do was put on my coat. it helped that we'd a late dinner, and time in the evening to enjoy the hotel spa. nothing like soaking in a tub overlooking the city as it rains in your champers. just saying. 

berts is a french bistro with live jazz band at night. the waiter (manager?) was incredibly intuitive and had the amazing ability to pre-empt our every request. how crazy is that? well impressed! good music and better food. we started with the baked camembert (pictured) before slowly splitting a chateaubriand. a huge chunk of rare beefy goodness, accompanied by extra sides (salad, mashed potato, 2 x fries) compliments of the manager. being the carbohydrate queen i am, it was such a treat :)

giant's causeway

one of the big draws to belfast, apart from G, was the giant's causeway. it's a UNESCO heritage site but as i've come to realise, there's a large discrepancy between the different sites. the weather wasn't cooperating but i felt it was quite underwhelming on the whole, almost going so far as to wanting a refund for the entrance fee. but it did come with hot chocolate, that i'd drunk, and the mister told me off for being a brat. the jury's still out whether he was justified in doing so ;) in fact we sent this photo (OF THE ACTUAL CAUSEWAY) to some friends and one of them asked if it was not just a pitstop en route to the real thing. if only!

but what i thoroughly enjoyed was the coastal drive from belfast to the giant's causeway. almost three hours along the water, winding in and out of the quaintest towns, and of course with a stop at the curfew tower in cushendall to meet G and her eldest daughter. we passed through garron point with some great views, and stopped every so often at a supermarket for coffee and chocolate, before finally reaching the causeway.

after spending a little more than necessary there (had to get our time's worth after the long drive!) we adjourned to bushmill's inn for another amazing meal on G's recommendation. she was a quantity surveyor in her past life and used to eat there when out on jobs. glad to report the standard hasn't changed and we were pleasantly surprised by what a find it was out in the country. freshest seafood platters, surf&turf and a yummy pork belly roll. had such a leisurely lunch that we missed the last tour of the nearby bushmill's distillery (boo!) but want to check out the bushmill's 21 that the hotel bartender raved about the night before. most places don't stock it (the oldest we saw at bert's was bushmill's 16) so it would've been at treasure trove had we been organised / indulgent enough to buy check-in allowance. oh well, next time!

belfast

one of my dearest graduate medic friends is from northern ireland. every friday, she flies home to her five young children. i think she's superwoman, balancing the demands of motherhood and medical school, sailing through with merits no less. she's a constant encouragement and inspiration. and when i think about how she's so much on her plate (compared to mine with just the mister, a fully functioning adult!) yet she manages to get good work done, she blows all my sorry excuses and attempts at procrastination out of the water. her story's always intrigued me, and she's often invited us to visit over the weekend. much as i'd love to stay with her and her brood, i appreciate how precious time with them is and chose not to impose. however, the mister and i did hop over one weekend last month and were excited to see the rugged north in all its splendor. the mister chose the merchant hotel in belfast and we weren't disappointed. nifty tip: if you're going over the weekend, don't bother paying for valet parking despite the hotel's warning that it's hard to find (free) roadside parking. it wasn't and i'm glad the mister steered clear of that trap. also, we had a lovely spacious room in the art deco wing that was much better value than the junior suite in the older wing that we also saw. was happy enough with the hotel. apparently high tea at the merchant's a big thing in belfast, sort of like high tea at any peninsular (guess which one i prefer haha) and breakfast was adequate. it's got a great french restaurant (more about that later) and cosy bar that we probably spent too much time at. decent spa with outdoor jacuzzi overlooking the belfast skyline, and the option to have plastic bottles of champagne while soaking away the day's cares. the photo above is the view from our room! and the photos below from our walk around the city.

jumping forward, G had some ace recommendations. the crown salon was beautifully done (as you can see below) and served a delicious lunch, although we did opt for a curry :/ can't get enough of the gorgeous wood panels, comfortable booths and mosaic floor. the natural light gently filtering in also added to the charm.

c*laridges

we've been enjoying a good mix of friend time and down time. one of the perks of living in the city is the sheer proximity to places we like. one recent saturday, we ambled into town in the late afternoon, picked up coffee, visited a warhol exhibit, made the most of the january sales, had our japanese fix and wound down with a drink at the c*laridges bar. this was after our epic night at steam&rye, mind you. and the mind is a fascinating thing because my end-of-week reticence soon melted into a omgilovemylifemedicineissoamazing gush. the poor mister, having to listen to me go on and on about all my patients for hours at end. and then he tells me about his clients. so it's a virtual skill swap and i like to think that he's practically paramedic by now. 

oh and something scary happened that was playing on my mind all the way through drinks. in the evening, a man collapsed in the street in front of us. it's been an irrational fear of mine, one that comes with a sense of responsibility, that i'll be unable to perform under pressure. but without going into too much detail, i'm so relieved i calmly passed my handbag to the mister, walked over to the casualty (WHO WAS UNCONSCIOUS!!!) did the whole DR. ABC ie assess for Danger to myself and the casualty (he was in the middle of the road), check for a Response (he came to quite quickly) calmly introduced myself and communicated what we were going to do. when i saw he could speak (Airway patent, Breathing, Circulation pulse) i got the passerbys who'd gathered round to move him from the middle of the road, and i arranged him into recovery position on the sidewalk so he wouldn't choke on sick if he was suddenly sick. thankful he didn't need CPR but overwhelmingly grateful to have been trained to respond in a situation like that. was on an adrenaline rush after and kept going over and over the events in my mind, wondering if i'd missed anything or what i'd have done better.

marathon meals

one of life's greatest pleasures is marathon meals with fascinating company. this probably all started during one of our first dates. the mister picked a simple family-run restaurant and as frugal students, we picked the best value two-course set. and somehow found ourselves there for almost four hours, as the tables next to us were turned over about three times. if i'd to pick a moment, it was probably during that lunch that i fell in love with his brain. i'm easily bored (as is he!) but this lovely boy kept me in rapt wonder the whole afternoon. having fallen once and for all for the mister, it's not done to go around falling for other people. but we've been very fortunate to have enjoyed a few more long meals since.

the longest dinner we've ever attended lasted all of 9h. we arrived at 6pm, and rolled out semi-comatose at 3am. that's swedish hospitality for you. more recently, we've had two separate 5h lunches with dear friends. one at the fat duck in bray, and another at the berkeley. and last night, i'd an (almost!) 5h dinner, on a school night no less, with new-found friends. to me, family is paramount, and i'll gladly spend any length of time with them. but when we're so far from home, the friends we have here are the next best thing. 

i used to think that frequency was a barometer of friendship, but am slowly realising it's trumped by duration. frequency is a luxury few of us can afford, with more frequent contact being circumstantial any way. but when you willingly put away the iPhones and stop watching the clock, you kind of transcend into meta-hang out. perhaps i best clarify that these gatherings are small. i mean, who hasn't gone for a 5h dinner party (aren't most wedding 'dos 3-4h already?) what i'm talking about is double date-esque. it's pretty darn amazing to have all the time in the world to meet for lunch on sunday, and only realise at 6pm that the dinner service is about to start. but couple is question are expecting a little one so it's probably the last time we'll get them for that long in years. boo :(

or take last night! i'd two absolutely gorgeous friends round for dinner at 7ish. T's lovely lady, who initially was going to pick him up, joined us for tea and chocolate at the end. the next thing we knew, it was midnight! these chance meetings are pure serendipity and i know i go on and on about fellow grads but T and C are such intriguing characters i can't resist telling you a bit more. both have biological science backgrounds, with T doing a research job and C casually going on tour to afgh* before we all made our way to medical school. T comes from a dairy farming family and we were swapping stories about mastitis (his cows, my rottie) with C chipping in about how he got a chick to imprint onto a tennis ball. having grown up in a relatively cookie cutter environment, i'm always thrilled to meet people with diverse life experiences. all these little anecdotes make for engaging dinner conversation, with T telling us about life in the trenches (as a junior doctor) and C about life in trenches of the literal sort. i appreciate the candour, how it's no holds barred (albeit appropriate) expletive flinging, i.e things you've got to see yourself to truly understand. plus they had me in stitches all night, discussing the best possible escape route from alcatraz, among other things! and it's nice how everyone is in committed relationships, talking about their partners and drinking grown up wine. it's very refined ;) 

promised them an asian meal (it's still cny!) and did egg noodles with pork dumplings and chives to start, followed by chicken rice and a huge salad. for dessert we'd lychee konnyaku (how retro!), sesame and peanut mochi and pineapple tarts courtesy of my best friend's mother.  paired the noodles with a pinot grigio, the mains with a yummy alsace and kusmi grapefruit tea with the sweets for something sharp to cut through the saccharine. absolutely enjoyable evening although i'm semi-paying the price for a "late night" by being more groggy than usual today. but hit the jackpot this afternoon with teaching by the amazing prof who's cured type ii diabetes, and single-handedly preserved the eyesight of multitude of diabetics in the north-east. what a hero.

off-piste ordering

the magic number for dimsum is multiples of 3, and greedy as the mister and i are, we'd the sense to invite our resident cantopopstar (okok, so he's doing his masters in orthodontics) along. also, i do think placing orders in cantonese gets you that extra carrot at a dimsum restaurant. usually spoilt and refuse to queue (yay to being regulars at g*mine and its queue-advancement privileges hehe) but alas this dimsum treat required a one hour wait. so wait we did and when we were finally seated, we felt obliged to order lots to get better bang for our (waiting) buck. clever marketing, these guys... had the obligatory dimsum dishes but then K engaged in some serious off-piste ordering, that had even the waitress raising her eyebrows. turns out he'd been before with a baller friend who'd pulled out all the stops, and what we had was a mere shadow of the former's excess. and to show you the double black diamond, this thai-style king prawn tung hoon was the bombdiggity. might not be much to look at but ohmymama, i'd wait an hour in a heartbeat to have some more of this saucy goodness.

after dimsum, we adjourned to a coffee place (augh! forgot the name!) where incidentally i ended up with an oaky white. so much for caffeine fix! liked the upside down pots that threatened to dispense soil all over our drinks (i joke) and took a photo at dusk. 

perspective

i've had the privilege / dubious honour of spending four weeks on an oncology ward, and this week on oncology outpatients and at a hospice. oncology is relatively unrepresented in our curriculum so i'm fortunate to have this bonus time in a discipline that really interests me. sat in on clinics this week and was pleasantly surprised to have one-on-one teaching from consultants. glad to be at a medical school that takes teaching very seriously, and to have consultants who take the time to explain things during a very busy clinic. having spent the last five weeks with patients at varying stages of cancer, i leave hospital every day supremely grateful that my family and i are in good health. i hate to think of it as schaudenfr but i make an extra effort to walk home because i can. and i'm constantly reminded that there are so many people out there who aren't. i've seen familial ties and social isolation, sheer relief at rare misdiagnosis (CT showed brain mets, conclusive MRI didn't) and grief and resignation at a terminal diagnosis. there have been so many memorable patients, wonderful people who selflessly relive the nightmare of their diagnosis to tell me about their cancer journey. they're looking death in the face, and yet still think to ask me about the tiny allergy i'd last week.

it also forces me to reflect and prioritise because there's a certain clarity when one's thinking in terms of weeks and months. i've seen people show such grace and dignity when broaching their own mortality, and i've watched bad news being broken ever so gently. i don't think you ever get used to telling someone "it's not looking good" and there's something to be said about just being present, and letting the patient lead the agenda. emotionally i found it hard to leave my patients in their wards, and almost every night i'd be telling the mister yet another heart-breaking story about patients going before their time. one common thread is their concern for the loved ones they leave behind, for unfinished business and unrealised dreams. which makes me wonder whether humanly,we are ever satisfied. because if it's a life worth living, it'll never be enough.

reading around and outside medicine was helpful, in particular david brooks' "the art of presence"

–Don’t compare, ever. Don’t say, “I understand what it’s like to lose a child. My dog died, and that was hard, too.” Even if the comparison seems more germane, don’t make it. Each trauma should be respected in its uniqueness. Each story should be heard attentively as its own thing. 

–Do not say “you’ll get over it.” “There is no such thing as ‘getting over it,’ " Catherine writes, “A major disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no ‘back to the old me.’ ”

 

also found this opinion piece particularly poignant, articulating what many patients were trying to express regarding coming to terms with inevitable parting.

The path forward would seem obvious, if only I knew how many months or years I had left. Tell me three months, I’d just spend time with family. Tell me one year, I’d have a plan (write that book). Give me 10 years, I’d get back to treating diseases. The pedestrian truth that you live one day at a time didn’t help: What was I supposed to do with that day? My oncologist would say only: “I can’t tell you a time. You’ve got to find what matters most to you.”

i met the loveliest old gent yesterday who's found out last week that he's got months to live. his first thought was for his wife of 59 years and who'd look after her when he was gone. when i congratulated him on being married for 59 years, he looked at me with bemusement and said, "it's not a race, flower. it's been pure pleasure and i wouldn't have it any other way."

steam&rye

i took it as a compliment that the mister chose steam&rye for our fridate. i mean, it's a really noisy bar / club with scantily-clad dancing girls. so, typically, where you'd bring a good-looking but uninteresting date because the surrounding frenzy spares you from having to make awkward small talk. and if i was being absolutely honest, talking was the last thing i wanted to do after an emotionally exhausting week in oncology. steam&rye truly boggled the mind. 

in a funny way, it was confusing on so many levels. 

firstly, you're made to feel like you're in a swanky trans-american train, complete with moving scenery outside the window.  

secondly, it's the former bank of new york. so american flags and regalia aplenty. 

then there are the dancing girls who appear and disappear amidst smoke machine smoke. 

followed by abrupt changes in music and fanfare whenever someone orders a big drink i.e. shark / crocodile / dinosaur head. the staff slip into hulu dancers / indiana jones garb, respective theme music is played and the head is delivered to the table in a flurry of sparklers. which rui, my astute friend, was quick to recognise as no. 7 on this list.

last but not least, some of the drinks glow a radioactive green.

it was mildly unsettling to be amidst such hedonism after the onco rotation. i went from seeing people fighting tooth and nail for survival, wringing all possible meaning out of their remaining time, to a crowd that was quite certainly going to see tomorrow, hungover or otherwise. 

so i'm a little slow

when it comes to new year resolutions but it's been a busy january. in a happy place and it wasn't even something that had crossed my mind, until the mister pointed out, "why won't you be content at this stage?" that's when i realised i had been whinging about wishing i'd done medicine as an undergrad. funny how it's still something i semi-regret i.e. not being brave enough to bite the bullet earlier. immensely grateful for a first degree, even more grateful that studying for said degree is where i met the mister. and i try to convince myself that i've a little extra emotional maturity doing medicine as a graduate, and how if i'd gone into it at 18, i'd be a very boring, one-dimensional medical robot. but how much of that is self-assuaging, and how much is true is an area i try not to spend too much time in. 

one of the first things that turned me on about graduate medicine is when i was visiting L, my dear canadian cousin, in dublin. it was summer 08 and the mister was in leuven sitting the last of his exchange exams. so as not to be in his way, i hopped over to visit L. turned out i'd picked a good time because some of her friends were converging in dublin the same week. they were all in their mid-20s, with illustrious first degrees under their belts and a wealth of life experience. as graduate medics, they were some of the more articulate and interesting people i've had the privilege of meeting. they'd already accomplished so much before their 30s, and were embarking on a medical career because that's how it is stateside and in canada. i started to see graduate medicine as a viable option and was inspired by this dynamic bunch who i was certain would go on to be amazing doctors (and have!). 

so yes, this year i want to be even more conscious of and actively practice a sense of gratitude when it comes to still being in school. a primary school teacher just got in touch over facebook recently and asked quite incredulously, "how come you're still studying?!" and she's right. much as i'm in a hurry to start working (having worked once before, i miss being self-sufficient) i'm trying to see this as bonus time of being responsibility-free, of delaying adulthood just a few years more. and i tell myself it could be so much worse if the mister hadn't signed me up for medsch entrance exams, and pushed me to apply when the conformist in me just wanted to get married and pop out babies (HAHA, how i've changed!) 

on a completely unrelated note, i've also grown disenchanted with facebook. it's nothing new but maybe being in the UK is getting to me. there's an unspoken emphasis on being understated and rubbing holiday photos in 2000+ fb friends faces is as far from understatement as it gets. a friend posted this a couple of weeks ago and it struck a chord. in a nutshell, the author says to consider five things before posting to social media i.e.

 

1. am i seeking approval?

2. am i being boastful?

3. am i discontent?

4. is this a moment to protect?

5. is it kind?

was relieved to recognise but not identify with 1. 3. and 5, but 4. did get to me. ask the mister and i'm definitely guilty of snapping away instead of truly immersing myself and enjoying the moment for what it is. well, that's an aside to the omnipresent iPhone, but i do think moments can be captured but not all moments need to be shared. as i get older, i find myself getting increasingly protective of moments with the mister. photos that capture certain times and milestones are not necessarily moments i feel like broadcasting online. of course, there's always our reserve of photos of family and friends, the good stuff that you want to keep to yourself, but the bar for posting seems to be slowly raising by the day. i think friendship and closeness has to be earned (horrible friend alert!) and likewise there are fewer people i want seeing our holiday photos. there are also hordes of people out there who probably can't care less about our christmas break and don't want us popping up on their newsfeed. just over christmas, my cousin wrote to say our life on fb is 'annoyingly awesome'. and that's him being kind! which brings me on to 3. while never intended, the effect of posting photos is boastful! it's all "look at me and my amazing life" so i took a step back, put on a pair of discontented glasses and started examining what was popping up on my newsfeed and ooh it was easy to start hating.

social media is a personal choice and there's always an element of facebrag, whether you want to admit it or not. not going to go all militant and stop posting all together, but fb is becoming less attractive a platform to stay in touch with friends. it's a good place to find rivetting (and other times rubbishy!) articles, but i'm less inclined to share content of my own.

and in a roundabout way, maybe that's why i like this blog because i can put photos in context in a way you can't always on fb. also, while you can't really control what crops up on a fb newsfeed, you've to make an active decision to read a blog. so if you're going to pop by, you're more than welcome and if you can't be bothered, no loss.

photo from our recent weekend in belfast, and a short travelogue to follow!

lazing

really don't mean to belabour the point, but seriously, we got some serious lazing done in the maldives. island time has its own rhythm and it's like our heartbeats slowed down just by being in such a calming environment. throw in a couple massage and we were flat out like lights. the sea air also gave me a hugeee appetite and while i normally eat for england, this time i defo went a little overboard. oh the mister, so sneaky to take me back to the tropics after a fortnightly feast on all the baddies europe has to offer (amazing swiss cheeses, little known swiss wines, rich red meats....) and letting me go crazy on azn food. oooh sashimi by the sea oooh :)